We got two new pets. Dogs. not puppies but not quite adults either. they are in that awkward stage where they are happy to lie around all day but they still want to chew your shoes. They are taking pretty well to their training except for the eating things. In the past I have had very pleasant small dogs. Cocker spaniel, terrier, i even wanted a Chiwawa for awhile there. I love the idea of a purse dog and thought it would be fun to have something i could dress up and carry around with me. It could have a sparkly collar and leash (that it would never use because i would always be carrying it. Does that make you nuts? Seeing those twix (that is what i call thin beautiful women) carrying those dogs around makes me want to scream put the thing down it has legs let him use them!!! I don't scream it, but i do turn to whoever I am with and very loudly say 'It's a shame that she is abusing that dog he never walks.' I did this once with my goddess sister Loyal and she gave me a look. though she has known me long enough that i think she just takes two steps back and pretends she doesn't know me. Good call there though I would probably egg me on I can see how other people don't want to start drama. i once had my Sissy tell me about some chick I had antagonized, 'Bec! She knows gang members!!' Like i care I live in Pomona my peeps be rolling harder than hers. Wow that sounded alot cooler in my head. I guess the morale of this story is that i am a bully and i don't back down.) I could get it a little pink purse (lost? i am talking about the purse dog) and I would call it Smooches or maybe Hank depending on if it was shivering all the time or not.
When my mom took on a friends of mines' dogs i thought they were really big dogs. they are a chocolate lab and a chow mix. Then Beauty and the Beast came into my life. Nope I didn't name them that, they came with those names wich we changed because i am not calling that terrified dog that is afraid of my two year old beast. I refuse. When My partner and i were talking about taking them home i said they are probably going to have stupid names like taco and bell or dip and dive and i was right!
Shit i have to go pick up the kids and i lost my keys ....
Monday, November 26, 2007
Friday, November 2, 2007
Death to Candy
I Love Halloween! I love getting dressed up and taking the kids out for fun and the haunted houses and the ghosst and goblins and everything!! it is just great I LOVE IT!! This was my kids first Halloween being what I like to call 'candy aware.' Previous to this year they haven't really cared about candy we would go to grandmas have a packet of skittles and then go to the park event or something. But this year we went trick or treating. They put on their costumes and we put on ours (we ended up being the pirates from hook and we had soo much fun, and Leona was tinker bell) and loaded up the car and headed to the Village for some trick or treating. The kids had a great time going to each door and getting candy and they even saw some of their friends and enjoyed it. kegs saved all his candy and didn't eat any of it on the walk but Leo couldn't wait and ate a few pieces right through the wrapper before making daddy carry her on his shoulders the rest of the night. After we did about 2 blocks we went to dinner and then headed home. by the time we were home everyone was tired and we left the candy in the back of the car a went to bed.
I love Halloween but the day after....oh my god what an evil day.
Before i got up my beautiful children had snuck out of their beds grabed my keys and got ALL the candy out of the car and ate it before I pulled my butt out of bed. What happened afterwards...all that I have to say is; the person who said that sugar doesn't effect kids is a GODDAMN LIAR! Let me break my day down for you:
7:30 am
The sounds of hysterical laughter and crumpling wrappers finally penetrate my dream of a friends boyfriend (Joey) walking around in an orange jumpsuit and the wierdest huge gun ever defending weak kids from bullies. i am not sure wich was more surreal my childrens huge eyes looking up at me from the center of my use to be tidy living room which is no covered with candy wrappers or Joey being threatening. (no more robocop for me. Which by the way good golly those are truly bad movies but they have really given me interesting dreams.) My children have eaten every piece of candy that was in thier bags and suprisingly hadn't fought over any of it, probably because they knew it would wake me up. Some pieces Leo couldn't figure out how to open, so she had bitten through it wrapper and all...poor tootsie rolls.
8:00 Leona changes out of her jammies into outfit #1. Then takes it off as soon as they went outside to ride bikes...in circles.
9:15 Children run around the house in circles
9:45 the children begein speaking in tongues
10:05 children demand a bath by rolling in dirt and jumping up and down chanting Bath Bath Bath
10:22 children finish their bath when mom walks into bathroom and finds half the water on the floor.
10:25 children put on underware and get behind the piano somehow and find thier fathers swords while I am cleaning the flood in the bathroom.
10:35 As i walk through the living room to put the towels in the wash i see out of the corner of my eye my son , holding a samari sword that is one and a half of him jump off the armrest and implae my couch with the sword.
After this everthing blurs into a mush of screaming but here are the highlights.
While Keagan and I are talking in his room about swords and why he will be in time out until he is thirty, Leona got into her organic $8 a pop lotion and squirted it all over my hardwood floors.
While Leona and I are in her room talking about lotion and why she will be grounded until she is thirty Keagan crumples up ALL my printer paper and pretends it is snow.
The children demanded pasta for lunch and then threw it on my walls then Leo dumped out the rest of the bottle of sauce and proceeded to draw with it on the floor while I was cleaning up the dinning room with Keagan. While I am cleaning up the kitchen without leona, she helped by taking off her clothes (outfit #3) and putting them in the hamper with the whites, Leona goes into the living room and lets all the crickets out of thier cage.
Keagan tries to help us catch them by pouring all the cricket food into his candy bag and spreading around the living room like chicken feed...and it sticks to the lotion i forgot to clean up. I let Mu the Dragon out of her tank and tellher to eat every cricket i can't catch and she looks at me like, 'I don't hunt sorry. Food comes from tube in sky, dumbass'
I catch all the crickets...i think... and load the kids into the car to go get milk and do a nap lap to put the girly to sleep.
I love Halloween but the day after....oh my god what an evil day.
Before i got up my beautiful children had snuck out of their beds grabed my keys and got ALL the candy out of the car and ate it before I pulled my butt out of bed. What happened afterwards...all that I have to say is; the person who said that sugar doesn't effect kids is a GODDAMN LIAR! Let me break my day down for you:
7:30 am
The sounds of hysterical laughter and crumpling wrappers finally penetrate my dream of a friends boyfriend (Joey) walking around in an orange jumpsuit and the wierdest huge gun ever defending weak kids from bullies. i am not sure wich was more surreal my childrens huge eyes looking up at me from the center of my use to be tidy living room which is no covered with candy wrappers or Joey being threatening. (no more robocop for me. Which by the way good golly those are truly bad movies but they have really given me interesting dreams.) My children have eaten every piece of candy that was in thier bags and suprisingly hadn't fought over any of it, probably because they knew it would wake me up. Some pieces Leo couldn't figure out how to open, so she had bitten through it wrapper and all...poor tootsie rolls.
8:00 Leona changes out of her jammies into outfit #1. Then takes it off as soon as they went outside to ride bikes...in circles.
9:15 Children run around the house in circles
9:45 the children begein speaking in tongues
10:05 children demand a bath by rolling in dirt and jumping up and down chanting Bath Bath Bath
10:22 children finish their bath when mom walks into bathroom and finds half the water on the floor.
10:25 children put on underware and get behind the piano somehow and find thier fathers swords while I am cleaning the flood in the bathroom.
10:35 As i walk through the living room to put the towels in the wash i see out of the corner of my eye my son , holding a samari sword that is one and a half of him jump off the armrest and implae my couch with the sword.
After this everthing blurs into a mush of screaming but here are the highlights.
While Keagan and I are talking in his room about swords and why he will be in time out until he is thirty, Leona got into her organic $8 a pop lotion and squirted it all over my hardwood floors.
While Leona and I are in her room talking about lotion and why she will be grounded until she is thirty Keagan crumples up ALL my printer paper and pretends it is snow.
The children demanded pasta for lunch and then threw it on my walls then Leo dumped out the rest of the bottle of sauce and proceeded to draw with it on the floor while I was cleaning up the dinning room with Keagan. While I am cleaning up the kitchen without leona, she helped by taking off her clothes (outfit #3) and putting them in the hamper with the whites, Leona goes into the living room and lets all the crickets out of thier cage.
Keagan tries to help us catch them by pouring all the cricket food into his candy bag and spreading around the living room like chicken feed...and it sticks to the lotion i forgot to clean up. I let Mu the Dragon out of her tank and tellher to eat every cricket i can't catch and she looks at me like, 'I don't hunt sorry. Food comes from tube in sky, dumbass'
I catch all the crickets...i think... and load the kids into the car to go get milk and do a nap lap to put the girly to sleep.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Belly's Heel
"God Dammit!" Bell's heel of her new sandles snaped as she walked down the pebble path. Who the hell had a pebble path without pavers anyway? It had just been one of those days. She had come to San Francisco for a conference and the associate who worked out here was supposee to give her a ride back to the airport had gotten sick. Lisa had asked her brother to pick Bell up and that was how she had ended up walking up a strangers path and snaping her heel. Bell looked down at her button down white shirt and perked up the girls who had gotten her into this mess.
Jake had shown up at her hotel and checked her out from just about every angle in the mirrored hotel elevator and it had just gotten worse from there. Even though Bell tried very diligently to give off a cold not interested vibe her breasts always trumped her. Bell couldn't suppress them to save her life. They were perky, cute and d cups and she lavished them with expensive bras that made them even more perky and cute. As much as Bell wanted to be taken seriously she couldn't hide her best attribute. She loved them, almost as much as most guys. Lisa's brother didn't offer to take her luggage or even open the car door for her, where had chivalry gone? He watched her as she bent over into his trunk trying to wrestle her suitcase in the two feet available. He even whistled, WHISTLED dammit, when she stood back up and straightened her Jean skirt. Bell took a deep breath and just accepted his behavior and got in his low rider Civic. Wow that car had brought back memories. Yummy memories about dating racers. Memories about speed and short shorts. Bell had sighed and dropped her purse between her legs.
She was leaving extra early but liked the time at the airport in case her flight was canceled she could scope out the other flights and be prepared. She was also half way through the new Sherilyn Kenyon book and couldn't wait to get some free time to read. She had started the series awhile ago and now couldn't wait until the paperback was out. She always bought the hardback much to her husbands dismay, but really how could one resist? She scoured the internet and read all the online stories. She didn't participate in the roleplayers though, a girl had to drawn the line somewhere. Bell leaned her head back and savored the cool air brushing over her lips she licked them and then leaned forward between her legs to grab her lip gloss. She couldn't manuver around the car very well and finally gave up and just reached down between her legs and rumagged around her bag. Cell phone, compact, tampons, pen, what was that?? Bell reached her other hand down and proped her head on the dashboard and tried to find it with both hands. Finally she found it stashed in a pocket on the side, she seriously needed a smaller purse. She sat back up triumpant, "Ah ha! Found it!" She dabbed some on her bottom lip and then smacked her lips then smiled and ran her tongue over her teeth to make it even.
Jake glanced at her at a stop light. "Do you mind if I stop at my house first? I need to pick up my cleaning since we are going right by them?" His eyes dropped down to her boobs again and Bell rolled her eyes. He was setting her up. What an ass. Did he really think she was that stupid? "I really want to get to the airport early if you don't mind." Oh no, she had said if you don't mind. That pretty much garunteed that they would be going to his house. "Well I am doing you a favor, and I really need to get my cleaning done by this weekend." That was the worst line ever. Ever. Bell rolled her eyes, "Fine just please hurry I need to get out of here."
Jake's house was no where near the airport and was only 'on the way' by a long stretch. Bell pressed her lips together and waited for the line. She glanced down at the girls and swore she was going to invest in shapeless cotton bras. Then he did it, he drapped his arm over the back of her seat and leaned into her. His hand inched down until it was resting on her breast with his fingers barely not touching her nipple. Okay someone needed to teach this boy a lesson. "You want to come in? get a drink while you are waiting?" Bell slanted a look his way and smirked. "Yes. Yes I would." Jake nearly jumped out of his car and up the cement pathway. Wow he was holding out to get a piece and he still didn't open her door. Bell grabbed her purse and got out of the car hoping she didn't flash anyone in her straight skirt and walked up the path to the front door which was open. As she walked through the door, she shut it behind her. There was a side table and then a closet and a then a fairly tidy living room with a big screen TV and the newest game system hooked up to it. Ah bachelors, there had to be two of them, this was at least a two bedroom town house and Jake was young. He came out of what must be the kitchen holding a glass of ice water. She put her purse on the side table and then leaned against it. She slid a hand into her purse and started fumbling through it again looking for what she needed. Jake came right up to her and into her personal space, his hand holding the glass of water moved close to her collar bone and and finger brushed against her necklace. His finger traced the three swirls, this guy had balls you had to give him that. "So where is your roomate?" Jake smiled and brushed his lips against her ear, "I knew you wanted me."
Bell saw red and a grey shiver brushed over her skin as something meaner took over her. "Really huh?" after Jake smiled in response, Bell pulled out the handcuffs she had finally found in her purse, "I have to warn you I am kinda kinky." He laughed and said "Oh baby you can tie me up whenever you want." He put the glass down on the table and yanked his shirt over his head. Bell gave him a look of pity while he was caught in his t shirt. He dropped it on the floor and grabbed her breasts. Bell snapped a cuff on him and glared at him. Before she could even say anything he had his pants off and was gropping her. Bell snagged both his hands and clicked the cuff around his other wrist then pushed him towards the closet and opened the door and shoved him in. Before he could say anything she pushed her foot against his abs and pressed until he sat on the floor looking up at her. She squatted down besides him and held up her left hand where her wedding band and diamond were slung around her ring finger. "Do you know what this is?' Jake started to look nervous and nodded. "But I don't care" Bell slapped him, "You should care Jake. You should care because this means I am off limits. The next time you think to use a woman for a couple hours of sex think about the fact that asking her is a good idea. And NEVER mess with another man's woman. It makes us cranky." She put her face against his ear and grabbed his crotch and squeezed hard "We Clear?" Jake nodded and she released him. As he crumpled against the back of the closet she closed the door and locked him in the closet. She walked to the door and grabbed his pants and searched the pockets for his cell phone. Once she found it and realized she wasted an hour here she screamed and then looked for his keys but couldn't find them. She searched through the phone until she found the number she was looking for she hit send and waited for the number to connect.
'Hi Sweetie!" an older excited voice answered.
"Hello, this is Bell James."
"Oh I am sorry I thought this was my sons number. must have misread it"
"No this is Jake's phone. I am Lisa's co worker and she is sick and asked Jake to take me to the airport. On the ride home your son groped me and whistled at me and checked me out in a very rude manner and finally diverted me off my schedule by a damn hour, and oh yeah I am married and I WEAR MY RING." Bell nearly shouted that last part into the phone. "To teach him a lesson he is handcuffed in the closet in the living room, and would probably appreciate it if someone came and let him out. I can't find his keys otherwise I would be taking his car to the airport. I am headed to the nieghbors house to see if I can get a ride."
"How long has Jake been in the closet?"
"About 15 minutes"
"Well he can stand a few more hours then. Have a good day Mrs. James."
"You too ma'am"
Jake had shown up at her hotel and checked her out from just about every angle in the mirrored hotel elevator and it had just gotten worse from there. Even though Bell tried very diligently to give off a cold not interested vibe her breasts always trumped her. Bell couldn't suppress them to save her life. They were perky, cute and d cups and she lavished them with expensive bras that made them even more perky and cute. As much as Bell wanted to be taken seriously she couldn't hide her best attribute. She loved them, almost as much as most guys. Lisa's brother didn't offer to take her luggage or even open the car door for her, where had chivalry gone? He watched her as she bent over into his trunk trying to wrestle her suitcase in the two feet available. He even whistled, WHISTLED dammit, when she stood back up and straightened her Jean skirt. Bell took a deep breath and just accepted his behavior and got in his low rider Civic. Wow that car had brought back memories. Yummy memories about dating racers. Memories about speed and short shorts. Bell had sighed and dropped her purse between her legs.
She was leaving extra early but liked the time at the airport in case her flight was canceled she could scope out the other flights and be prepared. She was also half way through the new Sherilyn Kenyon book and couldn't wait to get some free time to read. She had started the series awhile ago and now couldn't wait until the paperback was out. She always bought the hardback much to her husbands dismay, but really how could one resist? She scoured the internet and read all the online stories. She didn't participate in the roleplayers though, a girl had to drawn the line somewhere. Bell leaned her head back and savored the cool air brushing over her lips she licked them and then leaned forward between her legs to grab her lip gloss. She couldn't manuver around the car very well and finally gave up and just reached down between her legs and rumagged around her bag. Cell phone, compact, tampons, pen, what was that?? Bell reached her other hand down and proped her head on the dashboard and tried to find it with both hands. Finally she found it stashed in a pocket on the side, she seriously needed a smaller purse. She sat back up triumpant, "Ah ha! Found it!" She dabbed some on her bottom lip and then smacked her lips then smiled and ran her tongue over her teeth to make it even.
Jake glanced at her at a stop light. "Do you mind if I stop at my house first? I need to pick up my cleaning since we are going right by them?" His eyes dropped down to her boobs again and Bell rolled her eyes. He was setting her up. What an ass. Did he really think she was that stupid? "I really want to get to the airport early if you don't mind." Oh no, she had said if you don't mind. That pretty much garunteed that they would be going to his house. "Well I am doing you a favor, and I really need to get my cleaning done by this weekend." That was the worst line ever. Ever. Bell rolled her eyes, "Fine just please hurry I need to get out of here."
Jake's house was no where near the airport and was only 'on the way' by a long stretch. Bell pressed her lips together and waited for the line. She glanced down at the girls and swore she was going to invest in shapeless cotton bras. Then he did it, he drapped his arm over the back of her seat and leaned into her. His hand inched down until it was resting on her breast with his fingers barely not touching her nipple. Okay someone needed to teach this boy a lesson. "You want to come in? get a drink while you are waiting?" Bell slanted a look his way and smirked. "Yes. Yes I would." Jake nearly jumped out of his car and up the cement pathway. Wow he was holding out to get a piece and he still didn't open her door. Bell grabbed her purse and got out of the car hoping she didn't flash anyone in her straight skirt and walked up the path to the front door which was open. As she walked through the door, she shut it behind her. There was a side table and then a closet and a then a fairly tidy living room with a big screen TV and the newest game system hooked up to it. Ah bachelors, there had to be two of them, this was at least a two bedroom town house and Jake was young. He came out of what must be the kitchen holding a glass of ice water. She put her purse on the side table and then leaned against it. She slid a hand into her purse and started fumbling through it again looking for what she needed. Jake came right up to her and into her personal space, his hand holding the glass of water moved close to her collar bone and and finger brushed against her necklace. His finger traced the three swirls, this guy had balls you had to give him that. "So where is your roomate?" Jake smiled and brushed his lips against her ear, "I knew you wanted me."
Bell saw red and a grey shiver brushed over her skin as something meaner took over her. "Really huh?" after Jake smiled in response, Bell pulled out the handcuffs she had finally found in her purse, "I have to warn you I am kinda kinky." He laughed and said "Oh baby you can tie me up whenever you want." He put the glass down on the table and yanked his shirt over his head. Bell gave him a look of pity while he was caught in his t shirt. He dropped it on the floor and grabbed her breasts. Bell snapped a cuff on him and glared at him. Before she could even say anything he had his pants off and was gropping her. Bell snagged both his hands and clicked the cuff around his other wrist then pushed him towards the closet and opened the door and shoved him in. Before he could say anything she pushed her foot against his abs and pressed until he sat on the floor looking up at her. She squatted down besides him and held up her left hand where her wedding band and diamond were slung around her ring finger. "Do you know what this is?' Jake started to look nervous and nodded. "But I don't care" Bell slapped him, "You should care Jake. You should care because this means I am off limits. The next time you think to use a woman for a couple hours of sex think about the fact that asking her is a good idea. And NEVER mess with another man's woman. It makes us cranky." She put her face against his ear and grabbed his crotch and squeezed hard "We Clear?" Jake nodded and she released him. As he crumpled against the back of the closet she closed the door and locked him in the closet. She walked to the door and grabbed his pants and searched the pockets for his cell phone. Once she found it and realized she wasted an hour here she screamed and then looked for his keys but couldn't find them. She searched through the phone until she found the number she was looking for she hit send and waited for the number to connect.
'Hi Sweetie!" an older excited voice answered.
"Hello, this is Bell James."
"Oh I am sorry I thought this was my sons number. must have misread it"
"No this is Jake's phone. I am Lisa's co worker and she is sick and asked Jake to take me to the airport. On the ride home your son groped me and whistled at me and checked me out in a very rude manner and finally diverted me off my schedule by a damn hour, and oh yeah I am married and I WEAR MY RING." Bell nearly shouted that last part into the phone. "To teach him a lesson he is handcuffed in the closet in the living room, and would probably appreciate it if someone came and let him out. I can't find his keys otherwise I would be taking his car to the airport. I am headed to the nieghbors house to see if I can get a ride."
"How long has Jake been in the closet?"
"About 15 minutes"
"Well he can stand a few more hours then. Have a good day Mrs. James."
"You too ma'am"